Church Chuckles
November 1998
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11/13/98 -- As a young man, McKerry was an exceptional golfer. At the age of 26, however, he decided to become a preacher. On being assigned to a church, he was distressed to discover that they had a strict rule that their Pastor must not engage in any sports, including golf. This was particularly difficult for McKerry, but he agreed. One Sunday morning, Pastor McKerry woke up and, realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So... he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced him to give the sermon for him that day. As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Pastor McKerry headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his congregation. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church! At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?" The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not." Just then Pastor McKerry hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. It WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE! St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, "Why did you let him do that?" The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to tell?"

A Navy Commander began teaching Sunday School for young children. One Sunday, the Pastor asked one of the Commander's 4-year old students what she had learned that day. "Well," she said, "I learned all about the ten commanders. Isn't it sad that they're always broke?"

In Sunday School a young lad was told to draw a picture of the Hebrews' flight from Egypt. He came home with a picture of an airplane, the passengers all with halos and one person up front without one. When asked about it, he explained, "Oh, that's Pontius, the pilot."

The Lord's Prayer has always been easy for kids to misinterpret. One little boy said "Harold be Thy name." Two other lesser known prayers though are a little girl saying: "Give us this day our jelly bread." Or the little New York boy who petitioned God to "Lead us not into Penn Station."

After hearing the Christmas story, and singing "Silent Night" a Sunday School Class was asked to draw what they thought the Nativity Scene might have looked like. One boy did a good likeness of Joseph, Mary, and the infant Jesus, but off to the side was a roly-poly figure. The teacher, afraid that he had somehow worked Santa Claus into the scene, asked him who that was. She wasn't sure whether she was relieved or even more worried when the boy replied, "Oh, that's Round John Virgin."

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans. Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?" The guy replies, "I'm Joe Brown, taxi-driver, of New York City." Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi-driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven." Next it was the minister's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years." Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven." "Just a minute!" says the minister. "That man was a taxi-driver and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?" "Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept. While he drove, people prayed."

A store owner had a sign on his door that read "Puppies For Sale." A little boy entered the store and asked, "How much for a puppy?" "Anywhere from $30 to $50," said the owner. The little boy reached in his pocket and pulled out some change. "I only have $2.37," he said, "but can I at least look at them?" The store owner smiled and whistled. Out of the back room came Lady, the mother dog, followed by five teeny, tiny balls of fur. One puppy lagged far behind the others. Immediately the boy singled out the lagging, limping puppy and said, "What's wrong with that little fellow?" The store owner explained that the puppy didn't have a hip socket. "It's worthless," he said. "It will always be lame." Grabbing the limping pup into his arms, the boy exclaimed, "This is the puppy I want to buy!" The store owner snorted. "Don't be silly! You don't want to buy that little runt." Then he hesitated, seeing the disappointment on the small boy's face. "Well," he said slowly, "If you really want him, I'll just give him to you." The boy looked straight into the owner's eyes and said, "I don't want you to give him to me. That pup is worth every bit as much as all the other puppies and I'll pay full price. In fact, I'll give you $2.37 now, and 50 cents a month until I have him paid for." The store owner countered, "You really don't want to buy a cripple, do you? He's never going to be able to run and jump and play with you like the other puppies." To his surprise, the young boy reached down and rolled up his pant leg to reveal a badly twisted, crippled left leg supported by a big metal brace. The lad looked up at the store owner and softly replied, "Well, I don't run so well myself, and the little puppy will need someone who understands." (The jokes you might forget. This little tale? Maybe not.)

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