Bible Bell's Clean Yuma
March 2000

Two Quickies from Mark C 3/31/00

Question: "Who is most unhappy in the Parable of the Prodigal Son?"
Answer: "The fatted calf."

Jimmy and Bobby's mother was making pancakes for them one Saturday morning.

As the brothers were pushing and shoving to be first, their mom said, "Now
boys, if you were Jesus wouldn't you let your brother go first?"

Jimmy looked at Bobby and said, "Bobby, you be Jesus."

Now after Jesus was born in Bethlehem of Judea in the days of Herod the king, behold, wise men from the East came to Jerusalem (Mt 2.1)

If there had been three wise women...

  • they would have asked for directions
  • they would have been on time
  • they would have assisted with the birth
  • they would have cleaned the stable
  • they would have brought more practical gifts (maybe even a casserole!)
A well-worn one dollar bill and a similarly distressed twenty dollar bill arrived at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired. As they moved along the conveyor belt to be burned, they struck up a conversation.

The twenty dollar bill reminisced about its travels all over the county. "I've had a pretty good life," the twenty proclaimed. "Why I've been to Las Vegas and Atlantic City, the finest restaurants in New York, performances on Broadway, and even a cruise to the Caribbean."

"Wow!" said the one dollar bill. "You've really had an exciting life!"

"So tell me," says the twenty, "where have you been throughout your lifetime?"

The one dollar bill replies, "Oh, I've been to the Methodist Church, the Baptist Church, the Lutheran Church ...."

The twenty dollar bill interrupts, "What's a church?"
Mark took his elderly maiden-Aunt Lucy for a drive, and pointed out a fig tree as one of the sights.

"Fig tree?" exclaimed Aunt Lucy. "That cannot be a fig tree for goodness sakes!"

"Of course it is," Mark insisted. "What makes you think it's not?"

Blushing so red she nearly glowed, Aunt Lucy said, "Well... I just thought... surely the leaves must be bigger than that!"
An Englishman, a Frenchman, and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.

"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Englishman. "They must be British."

"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French."

"No clothes and no shelter," the Russian points out. "They have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. They are Russian."

"New International Bible for Cats"

Quoted from Genesis Chapter 1

On the first day of creation, God created the cat.

On the second day, God created man to serve the cat.

On the third day, God created all the animals of the earth to serve as food for the cat.

On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labor for the good of the cat.

On the fifth day, God created expensive furniture so that the cat would have objects whereon to sharpen its claws.

On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the cat healthy and the man broke.

On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but He had to scoop the litterbox.

New & Improved Breeds of Dog

Created by cross-breeding some old favorites

Cross a Collie with a Lhasa Apso and you get...

  • Collapso -- a dog that folds up for easy transport

Cross a Spitz with a Chow-chow and you get ...

  • Spitz-Chow -- a dog that throws up a lot

Cross a Pointer with a Setter and you get...

  • Pointsetter -- a traditional Christmas pet

Cross an Irish Setter with a English Springer Spaniel and you get....

  • Irish Springer -- a dog that's fresh and clean, but made for a woman, too.

Cross a Labrador Retriever with a Curly-coated Retriever and you get...

  • Lab Coat Retriever -- a verrry handy pet for research scientists

Cross a Terrier with a Bulldog and you get...

  • Terribull -- a dog to frighten burglars out of their wits

Cross a Bloodhound with a Labrador and you get...

  • Blabador -- a dog that never stops barking

Cross a Malamute with a Pointer and you get...

  • Mootpointer -- a dog that doesn't matter

Cross a Deerhound with a Terrier and you get...

  • Derriere -- a dog that's true to the end

Cross a Dachshund with a Yorkie and you get...

  • Dorkie -- the perfect dog for geeks & nerds


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