Bible Bell Form - Inventory of Marital Goals Instructions Print out separate copies of the form for each of you. Each partner should fill out the form independently. The form is NOT perfect. You may have expectations or goals in other areas. If so, by all means feel free to add items, delete items, and edit the form as you see fit. Answer each question based on what you want for the future. The objective is to reveal how you want your marriage relationship to be, NOT how it actually is. Answer each question honestly. Do not use abusive language or use the form to spell out your gripes and frustrations. When completed, exchange forms with each other. After several days, get together and discuss them. Bible Bell strongly recommends that you and your spouse {or prospective spouse} meet with your Pastor to discuss these forms. A) Parenting 1) How many children do you want?________________ 2) Would you be willing to adopt a child if necessary to meet your goal in question #1? a) Yes b) Perhaps c) Probably not d) No 3) After you and your spouse have the desired number of children, do you think that one of you should have SURGERY to prevent future pregnancies? a) Yes b) Perhaps c) Probably not d) No 4) If question #3 is "Yes" or "Perhaps," which spouse should probably have the surgery? a) Me b) My spouse 4) How long should you take off from work after the family has a baby? a) 1 week or less b) A few weeks c) Several weeks d) Several months e) 1 to 2 years f) Over 2 years 5) If your employer will not allow you the time you feel is needed to meet the goal you specified in the question #4, should you resign from your job? a) Yes b) Perhaps c) Probably not d) No 6) How long should your spouse take off from work after the family has a baby? a) 1 week or less b) A few weeks c) Several weeks d) Several months e) 1 to 2 years f) Over 2 years 7) If your spouse's employer will not allow your spouse the time you feel is needed to meet the goal you specified in question #6, should your spouse resign from his or her job? a) Yes b) Perhaps c) Probably not d) No 8) What actions do you feel should be taken if your child develops serious disciplinary problems? 9) Who should have the main responsibility for dealing with your child's serious disciplinary problems? a) Me b) My spouse 10) Who should usually be expected to take time off from work if your child is ill or has special needs? a) Me b) My spouse B) Earning money 11) What job or career do you want to have?________________________________________ 12) What would be the extent of your work hours? a) Full-time b) Part-time c) Only work "now & then," as needed to supplement the family's income 13) If your long-term career goal will require additional education or training during your marriage, please answer the following questions... a) Approximately how long will be needed for the education or training?__________________ b) Approximately how much money will it cost for the education or training?__________________ c) During what hours would you obtain this education or training? c-1) Week-days (c-2 Week-ends c-3) Evenings c-4) Home study 14) What hours do you expect that your spouse will spend at work? a) Full-time b) Part-time c) Only work "now & then," as needed to supplement the family's income 15) If your spouse's long-term career goal should ever require extensive additional education or training during your marriage, please answer the following questions... a) How much of a sacrifice in "family togetherness" are you willing to make? a-1) A little a-2) A lot a-3) As much as necessary b) How much of a sacrifice in family finances are you willing to make? b-1) A little b-2) A lot b-3) As much as necessary 16) Whose job or career should have top priority in your family? a) My spouse's b) Mine c) Our jobs should be completely equal C) Family finances 17) What amount of responsibility should YOU have for earning money to meet your family's financial needs? a) Sole responsibility b) Main responsibility c) Equal responsibility with my spouse d) Responsible only for supplemental income e) No responsibility 18) What amount of responsibility should YOUR SPOUSE have for earning money to meet your family's financial needs? a) Sole responsibility b) Main responsibility c) Equal responsibility with me d) Responsible only for supplemental income e) No responsibility 19) Who should have "the final say" on your family's financial decisions? a) Me b) My spouse 20) Other than for household expenses, should you have a personal checking or savings account SEPARATE from your spouse's? a) Yes b) No 21) What are your main NEAR-term goals for the use of your family's savings?________________________ 22) What are your main LONG-term goals for the use of your family's savings?________________________ 23) Suppose you are given an opportunity to have a BIG increase in the money you earn. However, this opportunity requires that, for the next 2 to 4 years, you will have to spend extra time working and studying. How much "family time" are you willing to sacrifice for such an opportunity? a) None b) 1 to 2 evenings weekly c) 1 to 2 evenings weekly, plus some weekend days d) 3 to 4 evenings weekly e) 3 to 4 evenings weekly, plus some weekend days f) As much as necessary 24) Suppose YOUR SPOUSE is given an opportunity to have a BIG increase in the money he or she earns. However, this opportunity requires that, for the next 2 to 4 years, your spouse will have to spend extra time working and studying. How much "family time" are you willing to sacrifice so that your spouse can take advantage of this opportunity? a) None b) 1 to 2 evenings weekly c) 1 to 2 evenings weekly, plus 1or 2 weekends per month d) 3 to 4 evenings weekly e) 3 to 4 evenings weekly, plus 1or 2 weekends per month f) As much as necessary D) Relationships 25) For each of the following goals, explain what would you like to see take place (or continue) in your marriage so as to preserve and strengthen the following relationships between you and your spouse. (Note: This is perhaps the most difficult part of this Inventory. It is also VERY important. Take the time to carefully think out and fully reply to each statement. Use a note pad if the form is too cramped.) a) Being "best friends" b) Being open with each other. Sharing hopes & fears. Knowing and understanding how the other person feels. Having long and enjoyable conversations. c) Having romantic times together. d) Having "fun" times together. e) Meeting each other's emotional and physical needs. f) Being romantically and physically faithful to each other. Trusting one another. Loyalty. g) Having useful, loving, and calm discussions about "tough topics" such as finances. "Arguing fairly" when disagreements come up. h) Sharing each other's interests and activities. i) Maintaining a loving, equally shared relationship with each other's relatives (your respective in-laws). j) Avoiding the pitfall of taking each other for granted. Showing appreciation for even the "little things." k) Protecting the confidentiality of the intimate secrets and confidences you share with each other. E) Religion 26) How much money (if any) do you think your family should give to God through the church?________________ 27) How much time and involvement do you think your family should spend in religious activities (church attendance, etc.)?___________________ 28) What faith, if any, should your children be raised in?______________________________ 29) Who should be the leader in your family with respect to spiritual matters? a) Me b) My spouse F) Miscellaneous 30) How much of the housework should you be responsible for? a) All b) None c) I should help out only if my spouse is not feeling well d) 50-50 e) Help when I can 31) How often should you have a night out with your friends, apart from your spouse? a) Never b) Rarely c) Once a week d) Once a month 32) How do you view the relationship between you and your spouse? a) Two separate individuals who love and depend on each other b) A team, & I'm the coach c) A team, & my spouse is the coach d) A team with no coach e) Two people living one life 33) List any other goals that you have for your marriage.......