Grandma Lily's humor & Bible verses page 1

Grandma Lily's Wit & Wisdom
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These brief quotes aren't jokes. At least, not exactly...

Oh, they might bring you a faint smile once in a while, but most of them are just "food for thought."
The quotes come from various folks (including God).
I'll add some new quotes every now and again.
The latest additions will always be at the top.
Please visit Grandma Lily again. I love seeing you.

36) I have already given two cousins to the war and I stand ready to sacrifice my wife's brother.
Artemus Ward (1834-1867)

(When Lord Jesus returns...) He shall judge between the nations, and rebuke many people. They shall beat their swords into plowshares, and their spears into pruning hooks. Nation shall not lift up sword against nation; neither shall they learn war anymore. Isa 2.4

34) Critics of the Bible regard the truth as their most valuable possession. Therefore they are careful to use it as seldom as possible. 35) The trouble with life in the fast lane is that you get to the other end in an awful hurry.
John Jensen

32) God's way always works!
Submitted by Brenda G Vanhoose Morgan 33) Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function.
Garrison Keillor

30) Accuracy to a newspaper is what virtue is to a lady; but a newspaper can always print a retraction.
Adlai Stevenson 31) Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.
Lenny Bruce

29) 'Tis education forms the common mind:
As the twig is bent, so shall the tree incline.
Alexander Pope

Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.
Prov 22.6

27) Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your children.
Sam Levenson 28) When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.
Erma Bombeck

26) Literature is mostly about having sex and not much about having children. Life is the other way round.
David Lodge

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD. The fruit of the womb is a reward.
Ps 127.3

25) Exercise daily. Eat wisely. Die anyway.

For bodily exercise profits a little, but godliness is profitable for all things, having promise of the life that now is and of that which is to come. 1 Tim 4.8

23) After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead.
Tommy Mein 24) Song Title:
"If I Had to Do It All Over Again, I'd Do It All Over You"
Abe Burrows

22) The upper crust is a bunch of crumbs held together by dough.
Joseph A. Thomas

For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, for which some have strayed from the faith in their greediness, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows. 1 Tim 6.10

20) As a ring of gold in a pig's nose, so is a lovely woman who lacks discretion. Prov 11.22 21) Besados serán los labios del que responde palabras correctas.
An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips. Prov 24.26

18) Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.
Robert Orben 19) Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
Fletcher Knebel

17)
Dear God,
Why didn't you save the children who got shot in my school?
Sincerely,
Concerned Student AND THE REPLY...
Dear Concerned Student,
I am no longer allowed in American schools.
Sincerely,
God

16) He who laughs, lasts.
Mary Pettibone Poole

Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with singing. The LORD has done great things for us, and we are glad. Ps 126.2a-3

14) I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Joan Rivers 15) The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.
Sam Levenson

13) A drinker has a hole under his nose that all his money runs into.
Thomas Fuller

Porque el bebedor y el comilón empobrecerán, y el dormitar hará vestir harapos.
For the drunkard and the glutton will come to poverty, And drowsiness will clothe a man with rags. Prov 23.21

11) Man is certainly stark mad. He cannot make a worm and yet he will be making gods by the dozens.
Montaigne 12) Only the mediocre are always at their best.
Jean Giraudoux

9) Like all self-made men he worships his creator.
??? 10) Egotist: A person who is more interested in himself than in me.
Ambrose Bierce

8) One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.
Nancy, Lady Astor

And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit
Eph 5.18

6) He was of the faith chiefly in the sense that the church he currently did not attend was Catholic.
Kingsley Amis 7) I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
Charles Schulz

5) Living with a saint is more grueling than being one.
Robert Neville

(God said...) Those who say, "Keep to yourself. Do not come near me, for I am holier than thou!" are smoke in My nostrils, a fire that burns all the day. Isa 65.5

4) Life is what happens while you are making other plans.
John Lennon

Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails. Prov 19.21

2) The cost of living is going up and the chance of living is going down.
Flip Wilson 3) For 3 days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.
Johnny Carson

1) The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.
Unknown

The fool has said in his heart, "There is no God."
Ps 14.1a

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Grandma Lily's Wit & Wisdom Page 1 Navigate
These brief quotes aren't jokes. At least, not exactly... Oh, they might bring you a faint smile once in a while, but most of them are just "food for thought." The quotes come from various folks (including God). I'll add some new quotes every now and again. The latest additions will always be at the top. Please visit Grandma Lily again. I love seeing you.
36) I have already given two cousins to the war and I stand ready to sacrifice my wife's brother. Artemus Ward (1834-1867)		(When Lord Jesus returns...) He shall judge between the nations, and rebuke many people. They shall beat their swords into plowshares, and their spears into pruning hooks. Nation shall not lift up sword against nation; neither shall they learn war anymore. Isa 2.4
34) Critics of the Bible regard the truth as their most valuable possession. Therefore they are careful to use it as seldom as possible.		35) The trouble with life in the fast lane is that you get to the other end in an awful hurry. John Jensen
32) God's way always works! Submitted by Brenda G Vanhoose Morgan		33) Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function. Garrison Keillor
30) Accuracy to a newspaper is what virtue is to a lady; but a newspaper can always print a retraction. Adlai Stevenson		31) Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God. Lenny Bruce
29) 'Tis education forms the common mind: As the twig is bent, so shall the tree incline. Alexander Pope		Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. Prov 22.6
27) Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your children. Sam Levenson		28) When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out. Erma Bombeck
26) Literature is mostly about having sex and not much about having children. Life is the other way round. David Lodge		Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD. The fruit of the womb is a reward. Ps 127.3
25) Exercise daily. Eat wisely. Die anyway.		For bodily exercise profits a little, but godliness is profitable for all things, having promise of the life that now is and of that which is to come. 1 Tim 4.8
23) After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead. Tommy Mein		24) Song Title: "If I Had to Do It All Over Again, I'd Do It All Over You" Abe Burrows
22) The upper crust is a bunch of crumbs held together by dough. Joseph A. Thomas		For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, for which some have strayed from the faith in their greediness, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows. 1 Tim 6.10
20) As a ring of gold in a pig's nose, so is a lovely woman who lacks discretion. Prov 11.22		21) Besados serán los labios del que responde palabras correctas. An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips. Prov 24.26
18) Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away. Robert Orben		19) Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics. Fletcher Knebel
17) Dear God, Why didn't you save the children who got shot in my school? Sincerely, Concerned Student		AND THE REPLY... Dear Concerned Student, I am no longer allowed in American schools. Sincerely, God



16) He who laughs, lasts. Mary Pettibone Poole		Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with singing. The LORD has done great things for us, and we are glad. Ps 126.2a-3
14) I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio. Joan Rivers		15) The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy. Sam Levenson
13) A drinker has a hole under his nose that all his money runs into. Thomas Fuller		Porque el bebedor y el comilón empobrecerán, y el dormitar hará vestir harapos. For the drunkard and the glutton will come to poverty, And drowsiness will clothe a man with rags. Prov 23.21
11) Man is certainly stark mad. He cannot make a worm and yet he will be making gods by the dozens. Montaigne		12) Only the mediocre are always at their best. Jean Giraudoux
9) Like all self-made men he worships his creator. ???		10) Egotist: A person who is more interested in himself than in me. Ambrose Bierce
8) One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time. Nancy, Lady Astor		And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit Eph 5.18
6) He was of the faith chiefly in the sense that the church he currently did not attend was Catholic. Kingsley Amis		7) I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time. Charles Schulz
5) Living with a saint is more grueling than being one. Robert Neville		(God said...) Those who say, "Keep to yourself. Do not come near me, for I am holier than thou!" are smoke in My nostrils, a fire that burns all the day. Isa 65.5
4) Life is what happens while you are making other plans. John Lennon		Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails. Prov 19.21
2) The cost of living is going up and the chance of living is going down. Flip Wilson		3) For 3 days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off. Johnny Carson
1) The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits. Unknown		The fool has said in his heart, "There is no God." Ps 14.1a
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