Grandma Lily's quips & Bible verses page 5

Grandma Lily's Wit & Wisdom
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March 9, 2004

Responsibility {noun}-- A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck, or one's neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.
Ambrose Bierce

Then Adam said {to God}, "The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate." Gen 3.12

A bad workman always blames his tools. Common sense is not so common. Voltaire

Chop your own wood, and it will warm you twice. Henry Ford I've never been one who thought the Lord should make life easy. I've just asked Him to make me strong.
Eva Bowring

Lack of pep is often mistaken for patience.
Kin Hubbard

He that would eat the fruit must climb the tree.
James Kelly

If I didn't have spiritual faith, I would be a pessimist. But I'm an optimist. I've read the last page in the Bible. It's all going to turn out all right.
Billy Graham

And do this, knowing the time, that now it is high time to awake out of sleep; for now our salvation is nearer than when we first believed. The night is far spent, the day is at hand. Therefore let us cast off the works of darkness, and let us put on the armor of light. Rom 13.11-12

The only person you can change is yourself.
Motto of Alcoholics Anonymous

{God said...} Cast away from you all the transgressions which you have committed, and get yourselves a new heart and a new spirit. For why should you die, O house of Israel? Ezek 18.31

An optimist is someone who starts a crossword puzzle with a ball point pen. A pessimist is someone who complains about the noise when opportunity knocks. Michael Levine

Take from a man his wealth, and you hinder him. Take from him his purpose, and you slow him down. But take from man his hope, and you stop him. He can go on without wealth, and even without purpose, for awhile. But he will not go on without hope.
C. Neil Strait

God did this so that, by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the hope offered to us may be greatly encouraged. We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, where Jesus, who went before us, has entered on our behalf. Heb 6.18-20a

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing -- and then marry him. Cher The English instinctively admire any man who has no talent and is modest about it. James Agee

The most difficult thing in the world is to watch a child learning to tie her own shoes, and not push her small hands away and do it for her.

Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. Prov 22.6

It is useless for the sheep to pass resolutions in favor of vegetarianism while the wolf remains of a different opinion. Dean William R. Inge To be prepared for war is one of the most effective means of preserving peace. George Washington in his first message to Congress, 1/8/1790

God waits to win back His own flowers as gifts from man's hands. Rabindranath Tagore

So let each one give as he purposes in his heart, not grudgingly or of necessity; for God loves a cheerful giver. 2 Cor 9.7

Always put off until tomorrow what you shouldn't do at all.

He who is slow to wrath has great understanding, but he who is impulsive exalts folly. Prov 14.29

No one tests the depth of a river with both feet.

A simple man believes anything, but a prudent man gives thought to his steps. Prov 14.15

I didn't belong as a kid, and that always bothered me. If only I'd known that one day my differences would be an asset, then my early life would have been much easier. Bette Midler

Let not your behaviour be like that of this world, but be changed and made new in mind, so that by experience you may have knowledge of the good and pleasing and complete purpose of God. Rom 12.2

My crown is in my heart, not on my head;
Not deck'd with diamonds and Indian stones,
Nor to be seen: my crown is called *contentment*
A crown it is that seldom kings enjoy.
William Shakespeare

The secret of contentment is the realization that life is a gift; not a right.

You can't have everything. Where would you put it? Steven Wright

{Jesus said...} You have heard that it was said, "You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy." But I say to you, Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who despitefully use you and persecute you, so that you may become sons of your Father in Heaven. For He makes His sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.

For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax-collectors do the same? And if you greet your brothers only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax-collectors do so? Therefore be perfect, even as your Father in Heaven is perfect. Mt 5.43-48

Don't carry a grudge. While you're carrying the grudge, the other guy's out dancing. Buddy Hackett

Once a woman has forgiven her man, she must not reheat his sins for breakfast. Marlene Dietrich

In taking revenge a man is but even with his enemy, but in passing it over he is superior, for it is a prince's part to pardon. Francis Bacon

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. Mahatma Gandhi

If you haven't forgiven yourself something, how can you forgive others? Dolores Huerta

All things are lawful for me, but all things are not helpful. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.
1 Cor 6.12

If you smoke, why bother to wear a seat belt?

If you think you're indispensable, check your appointment book a week after you drop dead. That's my 2 cents worth. (Adjusted for inflation. Your mileage may vary. Offer void where taxed. Objects in mirror appear smaller than they actually are.)

If you don't want to know the answer, don't ask the question. I think, therefore I am.......... (I think)

You don't have to know anything to have an opinion. Never take a well-tanned person seriously.

Granny's tips for girls: When a *unequal-yoker* keeps hitting on you, tell him...
Sorry, but I only date within my own species. Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers.
2 Cor 6.14a

C:DOS C:DOSRUN C:DOSRUNWINDOWS C:DOSCRASH An unbreakable toy is good for breaking other toys.

Horrible puns based on Bible verses...

Thou can'st not serve both cod and salmon.
Many are cold, but few are frozen.
Fanaticism consists of redoubling your effort when you have forgotten your aim.
George Santayana

God heals -- doctor's just send the bills. God so loved the world that He did not send a committee.

God gives the birds their food, but He does not throw it into their nests. -Greek Proverb It is not doing the thing which we like to do, but liking to do the thing which we have to do, that makes life blessed. -Goethe

It is better to undertake a large task and get it half done than to undertake nothing and get it all done. There is no future in any job. The future lies in the man who holds the job.

California raisins murdered! Cereal killer suspected. Why is it if something is transported by ship it's called cargo, but if it's transported by car it's called a shipment?

Life was so much easier when I was younger and knew it all. When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it.

It is easier to forgive an enemy than it is to forgive a friend. -William Blake If I die, I forgive you. If I live... we'll see.
Spanish proverb

"Lord, please keep Your arm around my shoulder, and Your hand over my mouth!" -sign in a store, sent in by Tonya J. of Oklahoma "He who looketh upon a woman loseth a fender."
-sign in an auto repair shop

Never play leap frog with a unicorn. The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore

If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done. Gravity isn't easy, but it's the law.

Isn't Muamar Khadafy the sound a cow makes when sneezing? - Dave Barry I prefer my oysters fried;
That way I KNOW my oysters died.
Roy G. Blount, Jr.

Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody's watching. Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work. -Robert Orben

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Grandma Lily's Wit & Wisdom Page 5 Navigate
March 9, 2004
Responsibility {noun}-- A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck, or one's neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star. Ambrose Bierce		Then Adam said {to God}, "The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate." Gen 3.12
A bad workman always blames his tools.		Common sense is not so common. Voltaire
Chop your own wood, and it will warm you twice. Henry Ford		I've never been one who thought the Lord should make life easy. I've just asked Him to make me strong. Eva Bowring
Lack of pep is often mistaken for patience. Kin Hubbard
He that would eat the fruit must climb the tree. James Kelly
If I didn't have spiritual faith, I would be a pessimist. But I'm an optimist. I've read the last page in the Bible. It's all going to turn out all right. Billy Graham		And do this, knowing the time, that now it is high time to awake out of sleep; for now our salvation is nearer than when we first believed. The night is far spent, the day is at hand. Therefore let us cast off the works of darkness, and let us put on the armor of light. Rom 13.11-12
The only person you can change is yourself. Motto of Alcoholics Anonymous		{God said...} Cast away from you all the transgressions which you have committed, and get yourselves a new heart and a new spirit. For why should you die, O house of Israel? Ezek 18.31
An optimist is someone who starts a crossword puzzle with a ball point pen.		A pessimist is someone who complains about the noise when opportunity knocks. Michael Levine
Take from a man his wealth, and you hinder him. Take from him his purpose, and you slow him down. But take from man his hope, and you stop him. He can go on without wealth, and even without purpose, for awhile. But he will not go on without hope. C. Neil Strait		God did this so that, by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the hope offered to us may be greatly encouraged. We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, where Jesus, who went before us, has entered on our behalf. Heb 6.18-20a
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing -- and then marry him. Cher		The English instinctively admire any man who has no talent and is modest about it. James Agee
The most difficult thing in the world is to watch a child learning to tie her own shoes, and not push her small hands away and do it for her.		Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. Prov 22.6
It is useless for the sheep to pass resolutions in favor of vegetarianism while the wolf remains of a different opinion. Dean William R. Inge		To be prepared for war is one of the most effective means of preserving peace. George Washington in his first message to Congress, 1/8/1790
God waits to win back His own flowers as gifts from man's hands. Rabindranath Tagore		So let each one give as he purposes in his heart, not grudgingly or of necessity; for God loves a cheerful giver. 2 Cor 9.7
Always put off until tomorrow what you shouldn't do at all.		He who is slow to wrath has great understanding, but he who is impulsive exalts folly. Prov 14.29
No one tests the depth of a river with both feet.		A simple man believes anything, but a prudent man gives thought to his steps. Prov 14.15

I didn't belong as a kid, and that always bothered me. If only I'd known that one day my differences would be an asset, then my early life would have been much easier. Bette Midler		Let not your behaviour be like that of this world, but be changed and made new in mind, so that by experience you may have knowledge of the good and pleasing and complete purpose of God. Rom 12.2
My crown is in my heart, not on my head; Not deck'd with diamonds and Indian stones, Nor to be seen: my crown is called contentment A crown it is that seldom kings enjoy. William Shakespeare		The secret of contentment is the realization that life is a gift; not a right.
		You can't have everything. Where would you put it? Steven Wright
{Jesus said...} You have heard that it was said, "You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy." But I say to you, Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who despitefully use you and persecute you, so that you may become sons of your Father in Heaven. For He makes His sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax-collectors do the same? And if you greet your brothers only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax-collectors do so? Therefore be perfect, even as your Father in Heaven is perfect. Mt 5.43-48		Don't carry a grudge. While you're carrying the grudge, the other guy's out dancing. Buddy Hackett
		Once a woman has forgiven her man, she must not reheat his sins for breakfast. Marlene Dietrich
		In taking revenge a man is but even with his enemy, but in passing it over he is superior, for it is a prince's part to pardon. Francis Bacon
		The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. Mahatma Gandhi
		If you haven't forgiven yourself something, how can you forgive others? Dolores Huerta
All things are lawful for me, but all things are not helpful. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any. 1 Cor 6.12		If you smoke, why bother to wear a seat belt?
If you think you're indispensable, check your appointment book a week after you drop dead.		That's my 2 cents worth. (Adjusted for inflation. Your mileage may vary. Offer void where taxed. Objects in mirror appear smaller than they actually are.)
If you don't want to know the answer, don't ask the question.		I think, therefore I am.......... (I think)
You don't have to know anything to have an opinion.		Never take a well-tanned person seriously.
Granny's tips for girls: When a unequal-yoker keeps hitting on you, tell him... Sorry, but I only date within my own species.		Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. 2 Cor 6.14a
C:DOS C:DOSRUN C:DOSRUNWINDOWS C:DOSCRASH		An unbreakable toy is good for breaking other toys.
Horrible puns based on Bible verses... Thou can'st not serve both cod and salmon. Many are cold, but few are frozen.		Fanaticism consists of redoubling your effort when you have forgotten your aim. George Santayana
God heals -- doctor's just send the bills.		God so loved the world that He did not send a committee.
God gives the birds their food, but He does not throw it into their nests. -Greek Proverb		It is not doing the thing which we like to do, but liking to do the thing which we have to do, that makes life blessed. -Goethe
It is better to undertake a large task and get it half done than to undertake nothing and get it all done.		There is no future in any job. The future lies in the man who holds the job.
California raisins murdered! Cereal killer suspected.		Why is it if something is transported by ship it's called cargo, but if it's transported by car it's called a shipment?
Life was so much easier when I was younger and knew it all.		When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it.
It is easier to forgive an enemy than it is to forgive a friend. -William Blake		If I die, I forgive you. If I live... we'll see. Spanish proverb
"Lord, please keep Your arm around my shoulder, and Your hand over my mouth!" -sign in a store, sent in by Tonya J. of Oklahoma		"He who looketh upon a woman loseth a fender." -sign in an auto repair shop
Never play leap frog with a unicorn.		The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore
If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.		Gravity isn't easy, but it's the law.
Isn't Muamar Khadafy the sound a cow makes when sneezing? - Dave Barry		I prefer my oysters fried; That way I KNOW my oysters died. Roy G. Blount, Jr.
Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody's watching.		Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work. -Robert Orben
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